


Lost Without You

by KureKai_King



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up, Why Did I Write This?, Yuto POV, the fic nobody asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26161669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KureKai_King/pseuds/KureKai_King
Summary: You stood by my side for so long. You encouraged me to not give up on my dream. So, why? Why do you have to walk away from me now? Why do I have to give up on this dream I have of you and I together? Standing strong, standing tall... Everything feels different now, and I don't like it. I'm lost...I want you to find me again...
Relationships: Goryo Yuto/Matoba Wataru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Lost Without You

**Author's Note:**

> "Can we skip the part where we say bye-bye?  
> Can we still talk on the phone sometimes?  
> Can we skip the part when I say  
> That I'm lost without ya  
> Can we be the exes that still stay friends?  
> I know it never works but we'll try again  
> Can we skip the part where we're pretending  
> That I won't be lost without ya"
> 
> \- Lost Without You by Fly By Midnight ft Clara Mae

Don't get me wrong. I understand why you did it. I understand why it came to this moment in our time together. Even if I never wanted it, and I know you didn't either. You made the decision out of the goodness of your own heart, to spare our feelings until the time is right where we can try it again. But that's what scares me. What if you change your mind? If someone new comes into your life...

You're so good at writing your thoughts and feelings onto paper in the form of song, but yet even those lyrics don't reveal everything. They're simply the basic outlines of what you could be thinking and feeling. That's what you told me before; when I held you that night because you grew afraid and needed reassurance in that you're good enough to continue writing for us. And you are more than enough for me. 

I've never felt colder at night since the decision. That empty space where I'm more than certain you belong. Did we really overstep the mark for what we're supposed to be? What are we truly supposed to mean to each other? The word "partner" has so many different meanings now that it confuses me to use it. Are we always supposed to be just bandmates or even friends when I know we both feel this way?

When I'm feeling so lost that not even the map can help me. The map that always showed me the way to your heart. You have the other half of this torn parchment. You always did. You have the map to my heart, as in tact as my map to yours. 

Will you ever let me hold you like that again? Will you still come to me when you need comfort? I want you to... I still want to be the one you turn to when you need someone. Even though my heart hurts more than I ever believed it could then it'd be worth the pain if it meant I got to feel you shivering in my arms. Not in the bad way, of course! I want you to shiver because my warmth is enveloping you and pushing away that coldness that you always feel when you're not happy. I want you to curl into me after I've dried your eyes.

Those eyes... They won't look at me the same way anymore after this. I'm always going to see sadness, guilt and regret in them even if the others can't. 

And the others; what will they try and do now? What can they do? We're not disbanding and yet I feel further from you than I ever have. You spend most of your time locked up in your room doing who knows what. There was a time where I'd always know, and now there's so many locks to pick and even then you won't let me inside anymore. I know you cry sometimes, and you're bad at hiding it even though no one says anything.

Whenever you do emerge from your room, I can see the redness from tears being rubbed away - you know you shouldn't do that. You know it should be my gentle touch on your face, with soft strokes of intimacy. You eat with us in almost a silence so deafening I sometimes don't register you speaking at all. I don't want to give up on you.

I won't.

It hurts me just as much as it hurts you. I keep thinking...was the world always this lonely before we got together? Was every night we had together spent wrapped in each other's arms so dark that I never saw the way things would turn out? I didn't think changing our relationship would end up like this... It was something we both wanted, wasn't it? The way I could so easily put a smile on your face, so soft that like a flower petal, it was delicate to even the softest of touches.

Was I being selfish in wanting you to just be mine? Was it foolish of me to speak and act on my feelings? You said you wouldn't leave, and yet it feels like you have anyway. I don't understand it! We broke up because we had to put the band first again - we both agreed on this. But, this pain won't fade away and you know it. I'm too in love with you to just give up on what we had and pretend like it never happened.

Me and you; the sun and the moon.

Haven't you heard those stories? One gave way to the other for them to shine brighter... You've always supported me, even when you've disagreed. If that why you didn't leave and let us disband? Because even now, even when you're hurting this much, you're still going to stick by me as your leader...your friend...your bandmate. 

Oh, how desperately I want things back to how they were. I need you back in my arms, not just keeping you hidden away deep down in my heart. I need to hold you again before I go stir crazy without you. I need your warmth pressed against me, radiating love and chasing away this cold, dark loneliness. I need to do the same for you. 

I can't take this. I know the intent. I know it was for the best when you said those words in front of the others. But that never stopped it from hurting.

Am I rambling? I feel like I am. In actuality, I'm just writing down every thought that comes to my mind. You'll probably never see this unless something happens to let you. Some kind of fate... 

Fate...

Did I anger the God of Music by wanting you as more than a friend? A bandmate? Was I supposed to keep you as my founding partner and nothing more? Is that why this happened? There's so many questions I'll never have an answer to. And maybe it's for the best that I don't receive them. 

I love you... I'm never going to stop loving you. Even if this is how things are right up until the end. If your feelings ever change or gravitate to someone else, mine won't. And yet, I know I'll do anything to make you happy. If someone else ends up putting a smile on your face then I'll let them. 

My eyes are wet...naturally. The ache in my heart is lodged like a boulder on a mountainside, refusing to budge. 

I won't forget what it felt like to stand on a stage and hold your hand, knowing it meant so much more than what the audience would see. To have you standing next to me during interviews, a support to help me in case I stumbled over my words or my mouth ran on its own. You'll still do that, I know, but it won't feel the same. It'll feel more...distanced.

"Yuuto and I have decided it's within our best interests to end our relationship".

I haven't heard you use my full name in so long... It was just for that one moment, in front of Banri, Ren and Rio, but I felt the weight of the world come crashing down in an instant. I wanted to cry. I wanted to break every wall I'd built up just for that announcement and to drop to my knees and beg you, the God of Music, anyone or anything that I was having a bad dream and that I would wake up and you'd be there in bed with me, looking down at me with that worried and concerned frown and glimmer in your eyes before I'd reach up and pull you closer to kiss you and kiss the hurt away.

But I couldn't. Because that wouldn't happen. 

I agreed to this... I did... 

But Wataru..

This isn't us... This can't be us, we can't lose our way from each other like this, not when you found me when I needed you the most! You've always been there...

You stood by my side for so long. You encouraged me to not give up on my dream. So, why? Why do you have to walk away from me now? Why do I have to give up on this dream I have of you and I together? Standing strong, standing tall... Everything feels different now, and I don't like it.

I'm lost...I want you to find me again...

We curled up in each other's hearts, protecting each other from whatever came our way.

I...

I just...

Wataru...

...I don't feel safe anymore...

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. Come feel free to scream at me on Twitter: [DemonWings](https://twitter.com/DemonWings)
> 
> Uhh...don't try to read too deeply into this? I just needed something angsty to write and somehow thought break-up YuuWata would be great, oops


End file.
